Two of my favorite things in the entire world are Africa and running. When the two are put together, my heart is overcome by joy. I love the red dirt roads lined with screaming children, the fresh breeze greeting my face, the freedom that captivates me with each passing step, the blue skies that dance over my head and the African sunshine that warms my face. All these things bring tears to my eyes 98% of the time during my run. I can't help but think to myself, "Surely this is a glimpse into the Kingdom. This joy and this freedom are so life-giving".
My perfect little African running utopia came to an abrupt halt a few weeks ago. With knees too weak to support me, I let go of a piece of my heart. With one misstep and a fall that sent shocks of pain through my legs, all the endurance I had built to sustain my body was taken away in an instant. The reality of more surgeries hung heavy above my head. I was convinced that I could battle through these physical sufferings while still serving my brothers and sisters in Africa. As the weeks passed, my joints grew weaker and I faced a harsh reality of coming home. Walking became a task and getting out of bed became a fight. I reassured myself that I was going to battle through these physical setbacks and continue to serve everyone each day and pretend that all was well. While I thought I was persevering, I was damaging my body in a way that has hindered my path in Africa.
So through tears, I write to each of you with an insanely heavy heart. I will be returning home tomorrow to start my surgery process. Admitting this to myself and letting the heaviness sink in feels like daggers in my heart. I cannot tell if my heart hurts more than my knees or the other way around. After a conversation with my parents, filled with tears and the painful truth, we booked a flight home. Through all my stubbornness and defiance (haha), I had to let go of my will once again and let the Lord work. I do not have the answers as to why this is happening or where my path is leading, but I do know that God is holding my heart so tight and so close. I know that only His glory and faithfulness will be seen through this. I know that He will continue to work through me and through Rays of Grace in Africa when I cannot physically be present here. I know that He will heal me in perfect timing. I am clinging to all these things with a hopeful heart.
With a daunting multi-surgery process ahead of me, I can't help but remain hopeful. Hopeful in the fact that I will have time to devote my undivided attention to building Rays of Grace stateside, fundraising, sharing my story, ministering to others and the list goes on. My hands are empty and my heart is open to receive whatever God has in store for me. My spirit is undoubtably sad... Saying good bye to Africa always takes a piece of my heart. I cling to the hope of returning. I pray that each of you still follow this crazy journey and take away encouragement from how the Lord is working. I will continue to update my blog, the website, Facebook and whatever other form of social media I can get my hands on :)
I pray that you glory in your sufferings and cry out to God for guidance. Always turn to Him and He will make your paths straight. Nothing He does is a mistake, it is all a part of His perfect plan. Take away hope, joy and encouragement from all these things :)
Again, I love you all so much and can't thank you enough for all of your support. Keep praying for Rays of Grace and the wonderful future it holds.
Until next week :)
So much love, joy and grace,
britt :)
Never Far From My Heart
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