At A Price.

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your bodies” – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

For a little over 23 years now, I have been hanging out inside the confines of the same body.  Truth be told: most days up until the past year, I have taken it for granted.  I assumed that being alive, pain free, and healthy was pretty darn normal.  I assumed that living an active lifestyle was something that would always be attainable to me.  I could care less about the miles I ran or the number of times I fell down and scraped my once “good” knees.  I would race my two older sisters (Lindsay and Sydney) and my little brother (Blake) all around parks, backyards, the house, the golf course, and the trampoline.  

the MOST RAD siblings a girl could ask for

I would run for hours on end with my friends on the playground, only stopping for snack time.  I was never restricted in any activity and never in a million years imagined that I ever would be.  The only time I dabbled with the emergency room was when my sister, Sydney, and I were racing to the car to go pick up a pizza with our dad.  Our super mom was out of town for the weekend, which meant close-to-no rules.  As Sydney and I darted towards the car, my hand caught an edge and sliced open.  Long story short, we called every mom in the neighborhood asking what to do and wound up at urgent care, stitching that bad boy up.  It made for a cool story, a decent battle wound, and a get out of 1^st grade writing activities free card.  Being hurt seemed super awesome in my 1^st grade mind.

As years passed and the intensity of my activities grew, I found my body training harder and being pushed to limits that were destined for destruction.  My athletic career went from backyard night games, to competitive soccer.  I began to take this once healthy body for granted.  It was the Spring of my freshman year of high school and we were one practice away from the state quarter finals.  In all of my freshman glory, I had been given an opportunity to start the next game and was working my butt off in practice.  All it took was one moment of one normal day to alter the rest of my life.  I blew out my left knee that day.  I was 15 when I received my first surgery.  For the last 8 years, I have been in and out of doctor’s appointments, MRI’s, x-rays, blood work, surgeries, physical therapy, braces, crutches, and heartache.  In just one short week, I will be receiving my 8^th knee surgery.  These surgeries used to seem routine, but now they break my heart.  They don’t break my heart in a “whoa is me” kind of way, but rather in an “I can’t believe I let things get this out of hand” kind of way.  The bone damage that I received in my original injury caused my knees to never fully heal.  Rather than humbling my heart and myself, and looking into alternative lifestyle options, I went harder and more intense.  Through all of the overcompensation, I damaged my right knee, my hips, my back and my shoulders.  I’ve received injections, prescriptions, and doctor’s telling me what surgery I can have on what joint at what time.  Arthritis is an old friend now and most days, I wish that I were old enough for joint replacements.

So fast-forward to the present: All of my activities are limited to a certain amount of time and a certain level of intensity.  I spend 2-4 hours a day in therapy.   I have been humbled to my core with the reality that nothing in this world, down to my very body, is my own.  You see, this body of mine that I have been hanging out in for 23 years, is only here for one reason – to be a tool for The Kingdom.  God has absolutely used every moment of the last 8 years, whether broken or healed, to reveal more and more grace.  With another surgery rapidly approaching, He has shown me that I am only here to bring more home and that I better fight like crazy to take care of myself so that He can use me fully.  With the loss of control of my physical being, it has taught me to let go of everything… And trust me this isn’t a quick thing that happens over night.  It has taken prayer, heartache, rejection, tears, crying out, and bad days to reach this point of peace.  Peace in acknowledging that I’m not in control and never will be.  God has used physical handicaps in my life to teach me how to give things up that once upon a time, I felt entitled to… like being on the ground in Uganda and Rwanda full time, taking a morning run, a college education, four years of soccer at my dream university, a safe life with a steady job, a white picket fence, four kids, and a super foxy husband (just to name a few).  I have taken these desires and handed them right on over to God.  Sometimes handing my dreams over feels like I have lost a piece of my heart.  I have come to find that, that piece had to be removed, only to leave a gaping hole so that there was more space for God.  The Holy Spirit came to fill those “missing pieces”.  And now, I don’t want any of those pieces back.  The fullness I feel in my soul was worth every painful teardrop that came with losing those things that I once held onto so tightly.

Most days I catch myself dreaming of rollerblading with Sydney again, passing the soccer ball with Lindsay, making up crazy games with Blake on the trampoline... Sometimes I cry at these thoughts, knowing that they are out of my physical reach.  But on the other days, I have to smile at them and thank God that once upon a time, I experienced the fullness of being physically healthy and free. 

the good life

As my American Dream turned from white picket fences to my next plane ticket back to the third world, I have learned more than I could ever put into words.  I urge each of you to be fully present wherever you are, whether sick or healthy, with or without, mourning or dancing, be fully present.  Don’t miss a thing.  Don’t wish this day away because you will never get it back.  Don’t wish for what others have, rejoice in the beautiful things you’ve been given.  Pray big prayers and love in a big way.  Love in a way that turns people’s days around.  Be a light in this dark place.  Take care of yourself and learn to love all that you are, because there’s only one of you and chances are, you are pretty gosh darn rad.  Don’t lose sight of the present by getting caught up in what’s to come.  Remain hopeful and wishful, but don’t lose sight of the reason you are here on earth.  Use your body as a temple so that others can see The Kingdom.

Thank you for keeping up with Rays of Grace and all of the in between of this crazy little ride I’m on.  My heart is constantly overflowing with thankfulness for each of you :) Giving you all a big old hug :)

With all the biggest love ever of all time,

britt :)       

i carry your heart//i carry it in my heart

“God rescued me from the grave, and now my life is filled with light” – Job 33:28

One week ago today, I met a man named Steve.  Steve and I met on a bridge somewhere in the middle of Washington State.  Steve had just recently celebrated his 58^th birthday and chose to rejoice in all of his wonderful years on earth by jumping off a bridge with his nephew, Chris.  Lucky for me, I also woke up and decided that last Sunday would be an excellent day to jump off that same bridge.  You see, the day before, I had run into a sign that read, “Bungee jump off the highest bridge in North America”…. And I thought, “Hey self, let’s do it”. 

So there we were, Steve, Chris and I, all getting ready to loosen our grips on reality and free fall into a breathtaking canyon.  

{.glory.}

The birthday boy was up first.  My heart flooded with joy and my eyes overflowed with tears as I watched him hoist himself up over the bridge railing, and out onto the tiny edge that you throw yourself off of.  The smile on his face couldn’t be removed, even if he tried.  Steve was laughing.  Steve was breathing.  Steve was nervous.  Steve was alive.  My eyes shamelessly let the tears fall as I saw his passion for this life come alive.  As our bungee friends yelled, “3! 2! 1! JUMP!”, Steve hurled himself into the mystic.  His nephew, Chris, and I were laughing and clapping and taking pictures and videos.  As they pulled Steve up out of the valley, his smile was even more radiant than before.  I could tell he felt his heart beating in his chest.  I could tell he would never forget his 58^th birthday.

Then it was my turn.  I handed my camera to my newfound friends and asked if they could snap a quick shot of me before so that I could send my mom a quick,

{“Hey, just about to jump off a bridge” message}

They laughed and recommended that perhaps I send her a picture after I have made it back up safely… I took their advice :) I breezed through the safety check and then got my very own invitation to step over the railing and out onto the ledge.  

{invitation accepted}

It feels a lot different when you’re the one jumping rather than watching your new friends jump.  I couldn’t stop laughing and smiling as I thought about what an incredible opportunity this was.  Then just like that, my instructions came…

{“Alright Britt, you ready?  3! 2! 1! JUMP!”}  

And off I went!  Free falling at 68 miles per hour through the most glorious canyon.  I was whipped back up at a nice 70 miles per hour and lost my breath for some of it :) I could’ve stayed on that rope, dangling over that glorious river forever.  It was so freeing.  It was so beautiful.  Life was so real.  My heart was beating so fast.  Steve and Chris were cheering so loudly for me. 

I was pulled back up and offered to jump off again… Backwards this time.  These guys knew me so well!  I laughed, “Absolutely!”  So I prepared the perfect half squat position and sailed off again…

{Just as exhilarating as the first time}

As I hooked into the rope that pulls you up, I thought to myself, “This is how life should be lived every.single.day.” I do not mean this in terms of bungee jumping (but if it was an option I totally would), but in terms of feeling alive and letting go of all these finicky things we hold onto.  When my ten toes were dangling off the edge of that bridge… I didn’t have a worry in the world.  I wasn’t thinking about the things I needed to do, the plans I had to make, or the mistakes I have made, I was just gratefully present.  Gratefully present in that exact moment.  I was freed from every chain that once tied me down.  I felt like a new creation.  I felt my worth as a child of God.  And then I looked up at the sky through tears and thanked God.  Thanked Him for redemption, healing, grace, joy, love, light, and truth.  I thanked Him for permitting my knees to have one last adventure before the next surgery.  I thanked Him for sending me Steve as the most glorious reminder to never stop living, no matter what age your birthday says you are.  And then He looked right back down on me and said, “Britt, my child, you can have this freedom everyday because I have rescued you” And so I vowed to never forget that, and I won’t. 

I’ve taken that feeling with me every day since.  That freedom and that joy have allowed me to meet some incredible strangers.  After I vowed to live everyday to make an impact for the Kingdom, God has brought some glorious souls into my life.  I have met strangers, who are now friends, who have stories that make my heart sing...

A college student who spent a lot of his life addicted to meth… He is now 3 years clean and working with youth who are struggling with drug addictions.  He knows what the chains of addiction feel like and he wants to be a lifeline to those who are battling the same urges he once had.

Four little, beautiful, joyful human souls who aspire to have a full-time lemonade stand business.  They have dreams to save their money so that they can get a cart to roll around to different locations.

Two wonderful ladies from Canada who noticed I was eating by myself in the middle of Portland, so they befriended me and told me of all the wonderful things I must go visit in the city.

The most humble stranger that I have yet to meet face to face, who donated a lump sum of money to Rays of Grace.  I heard the news as I was walking through a park in the middle of Portland.  Seeing as you all know the capacity in which I cry now, you probably know what happened next… Tears.  I could not believe that a stranger would selflessly donate such an incredible amount of money to impact hundreds of souls in the middle of Uganda.

A dear soul named Allen who took care of the grounds in the middle of a forest in Washington State… He walked Steve, Chris, and me to the bridge that we bungee jumped off of.  Allen knew the name of every plant, tree, and berry we passed.  I was fascinated by his knowledge.

Steve and Chris… Two beautiful reminders that there is such thing as life to the full.

Three wonderful sisters who I casually ran into at the most glorious Tulip Festival that I stumbled upon.  They noticed me struggling to capture a picture of myself with all the flowers as well, so they offered to get one for me.

The sweetest little old German lady you will ever meet, Fredrika.  She has lived a rich life filled with beauty and a fair share of pain.  She chose to take away the beautiful parts and learn from the painful ones.

The Kennedy Family… Four generations of family farmers and still going strong.  I met a majority of them and purchased the most delicious fresh apples and pears from their orchards.  They also make incredible hard cider from scratch, so I spent the morning tasting all their flavors and getting to know their family and their story.  It was so beautiful.

A wonderful man who left his professional job and everything he loved, to move to Oregon and fulfill his dream of owning a bike shop.  I rented a bike from him and toured the Oregon Coast one pedal at a time :)

My dear, sweet, incredibly kind sister, Meg.  She has been battling multiple knee injuries and surgeries for years now.  She is at school at the University of Puget Sound and is awaiting her next surgery on June 3^rd.  We were able to spend the afternoon together sharing our hopes and dreams, talking about Africa, talking about salvation, and rejoicing in the gift of being forgiven and free :)

A man whose name I may never know… We were walking along the same beach at sunset, trying to capture the beauty of the setting sun.  We laughed as we maneuvered to obscure angles… trying to get the best shot.  We both agreed that you can’t capture the magnitude of God’s beautiful creation through a lens.  You can try, but it’s better to get out and see it with your own two eyes.

{the sunset God gave us that night}

My sweet souls, Jan and David.  Two incredible humans who know wholeheartedly that God is their Savior through and through.  They lost everything they own in a house fire and are now homeless on the streets of Seattle.  They couldn’t recall the last time they were shown love by the outside world.  They told me, “We’re all just one step away from losing everything”.  I thought of the rich truth in that and how I need to love harder and show grace and kindness to everyone I cross paths with.  We shared a meal underneath the freeway by the pier and laughed as if there wasn’t a single thing wrong in the world.

{love each other deeply}

My friend, Garth, who treated me to a free dessert at his restaurant.  We bonded over tattoos and great music.  I couldn’t thank him enough for such a generous treat.

{dessert tastes even better when it's a gift}

My other half since 5^th grade, Serena.  She lives in Boise, Idaho and I finally got the opportunity to visit her there.  We shared a wonderful meal together and had a slumber party like we were 11 years old again.  We stayed up until the early hours of the morning talking and laughing.  It was so pure and innocent :)

{through thick and thin}

My near and dear friend Al the Alpaca.  We casually ran into each other in the middle of nowhere and hung out for a bit.  We both had joy in common and that made for some awesome conversation exchanged through laughter.

{so much joy//so little time}

A solo traveler like myself who made his way from Texas to Moab.  He was big into adventuring and lived just a short distance from my parent’s house back home.  We agreed that we love the kindness of Texas, but the outdoor life that Utah and Colorado have to offer are pretty hard to beat.

{moab glory}

So as I journeyed through all these different places and met all these beautiful people, I vowed to carry each and every one of them in my heart forever.  I knew that God had strategically placed them all in my path for a perfect reason… For this perfect reason to see more of Him and to share more of His light.  It’s a wonderful thing traveling by yourself… It brings you out of the confines of the familiar and into the beauty of the unknown.  I wouldn’t have met all these people and seen all these things if I would’ve been wrapped up in the comfort of a traveling buddy.  I am so thankful for the solo mission I was given.  I pray that God’s grace and light were seen throughout each adventure I had the opportunity to take. 

I also thanked every place I passed through.  I thanked it for teaching me a lesson that I otherwise would’ve missed if I didn’t pass through there.  I cried every time I left someone or somewhere.  I didn’t cry because I was sad, but I cried because I couldn’t believe God chose me to see and feel all these incredible things.  I was so humbled every time I moved from one place to the next. 

{just passing through}

So thank you, Lord, for rescuing me out of the grave and setting my feet upon the marvelous rock that is filled with eternal sunshine.  Thank you for letting me dance in the light forever :)

Be bold in love and fearless in all that you do :)

i love you all :) carrying your hearts in mine always :)

britt :)

Unconditional.

"If I speak with human eloquence or angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.  If I speak God's word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, 'Jump,' and it jumps, but I don't love, I am nothing.  If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere.  So, not matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love" - 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

{LOVE}

Some days it feels like the word, “love," has lost its beauty and splendor.  We seem to love everything these days… Friends, family, food, a TV show, a great movie, an outfit, a country, a place, a thing, a car… And the list goes on.  For me personally, I can’t get enough of the word.  Rather than throwing it around loosely, I took the time to dig into my heart and figure out why I love. 

{I LOVE THIS PLACE... WHERE I'M WRITING TO YOU FROM}

I’ve had two incredible, tangible examples of love my entire life.  My parents have loved me with their whole hearts.  They have loved me in such a way, that sometimes my heart physically aches when I’m away from them.  They have shown me how to love others as well.  They have shown me that although I do not personally know the strangers I pass by everyday, I sure as heck better show them love.  Whether that comes in the form of a smile, a conversation, a handshake, or a hug, I was called to be a walking example of love.  With this deep-rooted kind of love pulsing through my veins, comes a fair share of heartache.  You see, when you love someone unconditionally, your heart will rejoice with their heart, break with their heart, cry with their heart, laugh with their heart, and so on.  My mom always told me this gift is called compassion…

{COMPASSION}

So as my wonderful mom and dad taught me about love, God brought me the most incredible gift to teach me about compassion.  He comes in the form of a 20-year-old, 6 foot 1 inch, 180 pound, tall, dark, and handsome (big) little brother, Blake.  His heart beats with mine.  Our parents tell us that it has always been this way… Ever since August 20^th, 1992 when my gift arrived in Houston, Texas.

I think back to my childhood memories and nearly all of them involve Blake.  We never needed to talk much because that little word, “love," spoke for both of our hearts.  I remember endless hours in the backyard playing in the mud and dirt with all Blake’s trucks and cars and my Barbie’s.  We would build towns, catch rollie pollies, throw the baseball, kick the soccer ball, watch Barney, eat snack time together, jump on the trampoline, watch cartoons, and everything in between.  

As we grew up, our activities changed a bit, but our hearts never lost touch with one another.  As we start to figure out adulthood together, I continue to sit back in awe of the compassion Blake offers this world.  He is always looking for a way to serve others in the most humble way.  As I came home from the gym early one morning last week, he was washing my sister’s car and mine as well.  Other times, without being asked or told, he will clean the bathroom we share, empty the dishwasher, clean the kitchen, vacuum the floor, or send a text that turns your whole day around for the better.  He doesn’t do any of this for his glory or gain; he does it out of pure love.  There are never strings attached and he is never looking for recognition.  He knows that we are called to love and serve and so he does both… Flawlessly.

Living in the presence of such great love makes me turn my heart to the incredible Creator of this life and the very image of love.  As a child of God, that is His biggest request of me… To be love to all those around me.  To not measure my love in what I’m getting out of the deal or how this will benefit my life, but rather, to give it freely and endlessly… Even when it hurts.  Because that hurt was nailed to a cross so that love could become real to our simple human hearts.  To know that Jesus is the only all-sufficient Savior and that we will never know a greater love than that.  That is unconditional.

{UNCONDITIONAl}

Be mindful of the reality that not all people have gotten to experience this free love yet.  Be mindful that the way you treat that stranger may turn around their entire life.  Be mindful that choosing love and forgiveness is hard… So hard that it would be easier to ignore it.  But I urge you not to.  I urge you to fight for love and figure out what that word means to you, in the depths of your heart.  Restore its value within your own life.  Make it a word you're proud to use.  Be reminded that the thing we call “unconditional love” came at a great price.  Treat it that way.  Be bold in love and rich in sincerity.  We’re only here for such a short time, make the most of it.

One of my favorite songs by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros is called, “All Wash Out”.  It has the most beautiful lyrics that I will leave you with...

{One more for forgiveness

Twisting in the cold

Singing love, love is something to believe in

Too much my defenses

Are dangling from the chain 

Oh but free, free is something to believe in}

With all my love... Always :)

britt :) 

Loose Like A Feather.

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” – John 8:36

Two weeks ago I received the wonderful news that my wounds from surgery had healed, and that I could now begin water therapy.  I immediately went to Target, bought a pair of goggles, dug up my swimsuit, and headed to the pool.

For those of you who know me, you know that I am a creature of the morning.  I love being up before the sun and I love to watch it rise.  Lucky for me, the swimming pool at the gym has a whole east-facing wall made of windows.  So two weeks ago I woke up at the beautiful hour of 4:30 am, made my favorite tea, scooped out some delicious key lime yogurt into a bowl, topped it off with some o-so-delicious coconut granola, and headed to the gym.  I was ecstatic when I entered the pool area and found all my best friends doing water aerobics and swimming laps.  And by best friends, I mean a pool full of 70+-year-old strangers who welcomed me into their morning routines with smiles, laughter, and friendly “good mornings”.  They all moved over so I could have a lane of my own.  All the wonderful little Grannies complimented me on my “bit out of place” two-piece swimsuit and I asked them where they found their killer water socks. 

As I swam my first lap, I immediately teleported back to childhood.  My childhood dream of becoming a mermaid instantly reignited in my soul.  I was reminded why I used to write all my papers and draw all my pictures of me as a mermaid, while all my peers drew pictures of astronauts and wrote stories about their dreams of becoming doctors.  I guess I’ve always had a bit of a free spirit :) With each stroke that sliced through the water and with each breath that filled my lungs, I kept tasting more and more freedom.  I became more and more thankful for the ability to move again.  I had missed physical activity and the freedom it provides my heart.  About halfway through my mermaid frolics and childhood reminiscing that Monday morning, the sun began to rise.  It was as if fire had taken over the whole sky… Flooding into the windows and capturing each of us in the pool.  Being the waterworks individual that I am, I couldn’t help but cry.  It’s as if my heart exploded with thankfulness for that moment, and that moment alone.  I was moving my legs again.  My lungs were working hard for me again.  My heart was beating in my chest.  My mind was free again.  My faith was that of a child again.  My feet were not confined by shoes.  My body was weightless in the sea around me.  My soul was given a new day that was flooding into that small room.  My new best friends were encouraging me and taking it in with me.  I was overcome by joy. 

It Was A Beautiful Day Indeed

I was brought back to reality as my vision blurred and my goggles were filled with salty tears.  I emptied them out into the pool and laughed through tears and smiled at the beauty of that moment.  There was nothing spectacular or monumental about that Monday morning… It was simply the fact that I allowed God to completely capture me in that moment.  To see Him in that sunrise and to realize that each day is truly a gift.  He had to startle me in such a way so that I could remember to rejoice with each new sunrise and to thank Him with each passing sunset… To not dread the days ahead, but rather to rejoice and seek His face throughout the craziness of this fleeting life.  From that day on, I have tried to spend more and more mornings in that pool.  I want to be startled and moved to tears with each new sunrise.  I want to remember why I’ve always wanted to be a mermaid.  I want to realize why I spent most of my life in my swimsuit with bare feet… Literally my mom said it was quite the fight trying to get me to wear shoes and change out of my swimsuit haha :) Most of all, I want to remember the freedom that comes with childhood.  The trust and the faith that are unwavering, and eyes that see each and every little thing as amazing and new.  

So I permitted my newfound thankfulness and awe to seep into each avenue of my life.  To try and show that same light I found in the sunrise to others that I crossed paths with.  Whether it was friends, family, or strangers, I wanted this little light to shine.  I thought of all of my little brothers and sisters in Uganda and Rwanda and how I can't wait to swim with them again.  I can't wait to fetch water with them as the sun rises in foreign lands.  I can't wait to play with them on a new playground at a new school when God provides us with each of those things.  I can't wait to hear about their hopes and dreams.  I can't wait to draw pictures and write stories about becoming mermaids, doctors, nurses, teachers, and athletes.  I can't wait to walk on dirt roads with our bare feet... Free as can be.  I can't wait to tell them that in just a few more weeks they will have brand new desks to learn from because a group of people, oceans away, believe in them and believe that they deserve the best.  I can't wait :) 

Thank you so much to everyone who has contributed to the funding needed for the new desks!  We have almost met our goal amount of $1,500.  We are hoping to have the total amount within the next two weeks.  If you would still like to contribute, please visit our website at: 

http://www.raysofgrace.org/support

Like always, I pray that you find joy and fulfillment in each day.  I pray that you recognize Who fills your cup and how much abundance lies within the Maker's Hand.  His Grace is truly sufficient and His love is captivating.

I love you guys!

grace&love&joy,

britt :) 

Sanctified.

“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through.  May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ” – 1 Thessalonians 5:23

This past week I’ve been learning how to unplug from life’s craziness and enter into genuine stillness… With God challenging me to truly remove myself from daily routines and enter into His calm presence.  The first thing He asked of me was to step away from the distraction of social media.  I immediately thought, “O God, I can’t do that because I need to keep everyone posted on what’s happening with Rays of Grace”.  And He followed up with, “Brittany, don’t you know I’m bigger than that?  I will provide you with people to help with that”.  So I deactivated Facebook and journeyed out to purchase a Polaroid camera.  I felt this deep desire to start seeing beauty in a way God needed me to see it.  To start capturing memories and moments that were sacred and not shared with the whole world.  So everyday since last Sunday, my eyes and heart have been opened to a fresh take on the same life I have been living for the last 23 years.

I’ve learned to talk less and write more.

I’ve learned that I’ve disappointed, let down, and hurt people.

I’ve learned to take ownership for my actions and apologize more.

I’ve learned how to face darkness and let in the light.

I’ve learned to write more letters and send less emails and texts.         

I’ve learned to turn off my music and write down more lyrics.

I’ve learned how to make my past my past.

(my old journals)

I’ve learned that I am not a savior, only a disciple of the One True King.

I’ve learned there’s a time for every purpose under heaven.

I’ve learned how to be quick to forgive and let go.

I’ve learned that it’s ok to have sucky days that just don’t go right.

I’ve learned that it’s freeing to stay in your pajamas all day, watching all your favorite movies and eating bags of Swedish Fish.

I’ve learned that it’s ok to let other people into my heart.

I’ve learned to listen to God more and complain to Him less.

I’ve learned how to slow down and cheer on others from the sideline.

I’ve learned that complete silence is a good thing.

I’ve learned to find peace by the bank of my favorite river.

I’ve learned to read more.

I’ve learned how to receive criticism with open hands.

I’ve learned that this life does not belong to me, but rather to God.

I’ve learned to crave the utter relief of no cell phone service or internet connection as I sit in the wilderness with the Lord.

I’ve learned how to shed layers of my heart that I never thought I would be able to let go of.

I’ve learned that sometimes the only thing that seems right in the world is going to Chik-fil-a with the best brother ever and ripping donuts in every parking lot we can find.

 I’ve learned how to be startled by the beauty of life every.single.day.

I’ve learned how to adventure more and keep track of time less.

I’ve learned how to visit more parks and swing on more swings under the darkness of night and a blanket of stars.

I’ve learned how to romp through more puddles of mud rather than keep my car clean.

I’ve learned to spend more mornings in this chair with a cup of tea.

I've learned that dirt roads provide more freedom than those that are paved.

I’ve learned how to live.

So as I’ve held onto less and let go of more, God has filled my cup with all of His goodness, mercy, and grace.  He has delivered me to a state of peace that I could only dream about in the past.  He has showed me that as soon as I put Him first, my troubles and doubts melt away.

As I’ve taken this week to pray BIG prayers for Rays of Grace, I have seen God show up in a BIG way.  He has sent me help in perfect timing.  He has sent me people that believe in Rays of Grace and are willing to do whatever it takes to help.  He has sent me friends to help with a documentary, fundraising, on the ground volunteering, design help, website help, social media help, and so much more.  As God continues to nurture and grow ROG, I begin to see His hand more and more.  He has scaled back the overwhelming reality of building a full-blown school and has brought more tangible goals into site. 

Our current project: New desks for 310 students

Goal Amount: $1,500

Costs: Wood for the desks, labor to build them, and delivery of the desks to the school.

Donate by check or credit card (every little bit counts!): http://www.raysofgrace.org/support

Our School!  

Thank you so much for taking the time to hang out with me for a bit of your Sunday.  I pray that you seek God with your whole heart, this day and everyday, so that you can understand His purpose in your life.  The process to being sanctified sometimes requires the painful removal of certain things in our lives.  I can’t promise that it will be an easy process… I’ve learned that it usually hurts a lot more than I would like it too.  But once we let go and let God flood each and every place in our hearts, grace and freedom begin to capture our souls :)

I want to leave you with my favorite quote of all time from one of my favorite movies EVER – Benjamin Button:

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” 

So good.  Go out and love and live because you are alive and you can :)

gracegracegrace&biglove,

britt :)

Restored.

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast" - 1 Peter 5:10

Happy Sunday From Vail Rehab!

After a days worth of MRI's, x-rays, and exams on Tuesday, the outcome for surgery and recovery was looking grim.  With talk of bone work, more micro-fractures, meniscus repairs, and so on, my heart was heavy and my journey back to Africa was beginning to feel more and more unattainable.  On Tuesday evening, I went on my pre-op scavenger hunt... Blood work, pharmacy, paperwork, no food or liquids after 11, and the list went on.  

Reporting for surgery bright and early on Wednesday morning, I felt hope in my heart and couldn't seem to wipe the smile off my face... Big shocker :) My incredible, rock star dad strolled into the surgery center by my side at the pleasant hour of 6 am.  We laughed, joked, and looked at each other with uncertainty of what a couple hours from that moment may look like.

Pre-surgery with the most RAD DAD of ALL TIME

He gave me a huge hug and kiss on the cheek and sent me off with all his love and prayers.  As I took off all my belongings, put on my less-than-stellar gown, pulled up my compression socks, removed my favorite bracelets from Africa, plucked out my nose ring, and snuggled into my bed, I immediately befriended everyone I crossed paths with.  I got to know the nurses, the anesthesiologist, the doctors, and everyone in between.  As everyone glanced at my chart, I received a lot of, "Wow, this isn't your first rodeo".  I would smile and laugh in reply.  My surgeon, Dr. Steadman, was the last to stop by.  As he sat at my bedside, he spoke of Africa.  My heart could not hide its joy, making its way to a joy-filled smile that would not leave my face.  

"When are we getting you back to Africa?" he asked me in a matter-of-fact tone.  

"As soon as I can, Dr. Steadman" I replied through an unashamed grin.

"What does the terrain look like there?  A lot of hills and rough roads?" 

"Haha, yes that sounds about right"

"Alright let's get these knees ready to go back to Africa"

Hahaha o my gosh!  I can't properly describe the joy and peace that flooded over me in that moment... Minutes before surgery, I did not have a care in the world.  I had a doctor who had my best interest at heart and was willing to do everything in his power to get me back to the dirt roads that my soul aches for.  As my wonderful anesthesiologist loaded my IV with what he called a "nice margarita", the nurses asked me where I would be traveling to today.  You'll never guess my reply... Africa.  As my body loosened its grip on reality, I melted away into dreams unknown.

Waking up from surgery is always minimal fun.  You feel like you are being woken up from the best sleep of your life.  There at my side, again, were my nurses and anesthesiologist asking me how I felt and what my pain level was.  Somewhere in the background I could hear my dad telling them, "She has an extremely high pain tolerance, be aware"... Hahaha somewhere in my not-all-there state, I was laughing.  Seeing as my pain level was higher than they liked, the anesthesiologist prepared the much-dreaded nerve block that made its way into my hip.  I winced as I felt the needle and medicine make its way down my leg.  My throat ached from the breathing tube that labored for me while I was under during surgery.  My nose was raw from the oxygen that was rushing through tubes into my nostrils.  My knee pulsed with pain in an indescribable way as the range of motion machine slowly moved it up and down. As everyone in the room kept talking to me, I felt an undying need to go back to sleep... So I did.  

Party On, Garth 

With an entire day filled with going in and out of snoozin', I came-to long enough to meet with Dr. Steadman.  I was nervous to hear the outcome, but eager to start recovery.  Judging by the smile on his face, I was pumped to hear the results.  There was quite a bit of damage and a lot he ended up having to remove, however; he told me it's always better to remove things than to put them in.  He was very optimistic and encouraging and hopeful... All the things that I love!  He's hoping for a full recovery on the left side in 3 months where he can then assess the right side and make a surgery and recovery game plan for that one.  REJOICE!  I could not believe my ears!  I've never had a surgery go this swimmingly!  I wake up EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. telling myself, "COME ON, GOD IS SO GOOD!" 

My week following has been filled with twice-a-day therapy sessions, nap times, 8 hours in the range of motion machine, icing, elevating, laughing with my family, going on small walks, and rejoicing!  The pain in my hand from my IV has slowly disappeared, the bruise and stiffness in my hip from the nerve block has faded and loosened up, and my iodine-coated skin has slowly washed off with each shower I have been able to take.  

Some amazing siblings to pass the time with - missing you, Linz!

As I write to each of you from the cozy quarters of my hotel bed, I want you to take away hope from this.  Take away an undying sense of hope in the Lord and how much He cares for each of us, individually, as His children.  If it were not for trials, we would never grow.  We would never be able to fully marvel at Him in all His glory and riches.  We would never get the chance to be made new, restored, and refined.  God needed me to be under these circumstances so that He can draw me closer to Him and awake my soul even more.  Choose hope day in and day out.  Choose to pray with expectancy.  Choose to receive the good and the not-so-good with open hands and a heart full of love.  God is able to do immeasurably more than we can even begin to fathom.  

I love you guys so much!  I pray that this finds you well and filled with joy :) 

soooooooo much love&grace,

britt :)