Each morning my wonderful mom, Sue, texts all four of her ducklings a pleasant, "Good Morning, how are my kids today?". It's usually in the form of a group message so I get to laugh at what all of my siblings choose to respond with. For those of you iPhoners out there, there are rarely ever actual words in these responses, but rather every single emoji smilie face or icon imaginable for how each of us are feeling about the new day ahead of us. My mom knows each of us SO WELL that judging by our responses, she knows whether or not we're doing good or bad. My responses have been filled with sunshine, sunflowers, yellow hearts, happy faces and everything else that's yellow in the emoji world. Wanting to confirm if my joyful responses were truly accurate, she usually calls to confirm :) This past week we had a wonderful chat about joy. With surgery closing in and the Africa hole in my heart slowly healing, she checks in on the condition of my heart. So this week she asked me, "are you really doing ok?". And I went on to explain to her that even on the days that get started a little rough, I have intentionally started to seek out the beauty, light, and joy in the day I am in. I have come to this incredible place in my life where joy is no longer a fleeting feeling that I get to experience occasionally... Instead it is the sole source of my life. I fully acknowledge the pain, hurt, and longings I have that I cannot fulfill at this present moment and, yes, most days those hurt my heart; however, within these longings, I get glimpses of eternity and all the pain and suffering that will be no more. This ignites my joy in an unreal way... In a way that makes me want to shout it from the mountain tops and encourage all those around me to get a taste of this.
Within this season of shedding painful layers of my heart, I am able to make more and more room for the Lord and His joy. A month and a half ago after touching back down in the states, I felt like a wrung-out rag. Lifeless, tired, defeated, and bumming out. As God picked up my fragile, weak body and carried me, He turned my face to His light and glory and put the pieces of my heart back together as He needed them to be. He needed me for another time and place and as I let His will be done above mine, I started to mindfully see His purpose in every part of every day. Within these past two weeks of being back in Colorado, I have had the opportunity to make new friends, meet up with old ones, share the good news, and live in such a way that made the people around me question this "joy" thing. I have had complete strangers (now crucial parts of my life) lay hands on me and pray over me and the path that I am on. I have had dear friends take time out of their busy days to meet with me and catch up on the past six months of our lives. I have had family and friends allow me to cry without question or judgment. I have sat at coffee with a friend so close to me that I consider her my sister, and hear her talk of the longing she has for a life of joy... Hearing about her heartbreak and sadness that seems impossible to escape from. I have been able to tell her where and Who my joy comes from. I have had people look me straight in the eye and tell me that they believe in Rays of Grace and they believe that I was called to do it... He looked at me and told me I have been "Sovereignly Sidelined" for this year of my life for an absolute reason. He even called me a rebel which made me smile and laugh and feel hardcore for literally the first time in my life, because most days I feel like my life is the equivalent of Disney Land (haha). I had a wonderful friend from high school reach out to me to help fundraise for Rays of Grace because he was moved by what we were doing. I have been able to hang out with some awesome high school freshman girls and reminisce the good old days through them. To hear them talk about what they're going to wear to their Sadie's dance and what their current essay was about. I was able to celebrate Pancake and Nutella Day at IHOP with one of my dearest friends in all the land. We laughed and laughed and talked and talked :) I even tried my hand (again) at college... For a day... With yet another "sister" figure in my life. I sat back in awe of her and her academic accomplishments and rejoiced for her and her desire to learn more. I have danced at Red Rocks in the freezing cold with some incredible human beings from Icelantic Skis and rejoiced in how far they've come and the incredible accomplishments they've made. I've gone on mountain drives with my sister (by blood sister that is)... Where at one point we didn't know if we would talk or hang out in a healthy way again. I purchased tickets to my first out-of-state concert with a person who I consider to be my soulmate. I spent an afternoon throwing rocks in Horsetooth Reservoir in Fort Collins with my favorite little college freshman. I sat at coffee with two wonderful high school seniors who have committed 6 months of serving Rays of Grace in Uganda during their gap year. I have had pizza and cocktail night with my incredible aunt, uncle, and cousins. I have savored my walking abilities before the upcoming months on crutches. I have experienced stillness and silence and what facing darkness and demons looks like. I have come to some painful truths about my past and faults. I have chosen to embrace a season and a lifetime of honesty and upright living. I have fallen in love with forgiveness, redemption, and second chances. I have learned how to live :)
As I sit here preparing for another week, I want you find joy no matter your circumstance. Whoever is reading this, I want you to seek, find, and experience joy. Not a fleeting feeling of happiness, but an unreal, deep-rooted joy. I pray that you feel sunshine even on the darkest days.
On a specific Rays of Grace note, we are slowly making headway on our path in Uganda. Our biggest focus is purchasing land for our newly adopted Mt. of Olive's school. Our estimated cost is $30,000. We are working on having at least one fundraiser a month, whether big or small, to get the word out and begin saving to reach our initial amount. You can follow our happenings on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/RaysOfGrace
I pray that you find joy and peace in the week ahead. Make a mindful decision to seek the good and to toss the bad out the window. Your soul will thank you for this :)
Never Lacking Joy
britt :)
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